Perfume Banned on Planes

No Fun Stuff on Planes

I was checking out Transportation Safety Administration’s (TSA) website for travel tips which has an interesting and comprehensive list of items NOT allowed on airplanes anymore. Ok, so i’ll have to leave my ‘box cutters’, ‘razor blades’ and ‘meat cleavers’ at home. That probably wont be a problem.  But I cant bring my ’spear gun’? Nor my ‘realistic replica of firearms? That sucks because I often like to take my ‘realistic replica of firearms’ and pretend I am Aston Kutcher and shoot myself twice between the eyes.

Even if an item not on the list can be confiscated if they feel it might pose a threat. So you can forget about bringing your new Stella perfume by Yves Saint Laurent since last someone got theirs impounded because the bottle is shaped like a hand grenade.  I mean no matter how fast you pull the applicator and no matter how far you lob it, it will still never blow up.  However, it scares timid people and thats a safety issue.  The only real threat I think is that everything will end up smelling like roses and wood.

Some people have tried to bring some seriously ridiculous items on board recently. Like a hammer. Where could you possibly be going where you’d need a hammer right away? At JFK a few years back, someone attempted to get a weed cutting machine past security.  For a moment let’s just forget about the comedy and picture this guy trying to break down the cockpit doors with a weed whacker.  I really wouldnt mind all that much as I could use a good laugh especially as the nylon spool tangles on him. Unless of course he has the weed thrasher , then it would definitely be dangerous. Not that it matters though, this guy was caught with an electric one.

The funniest item ever that someone tried to get aboard has to be a chainsaw.  Ok, so that thing would surely fuck things up in a plane, but how far did he think he would get with it? So he is stuffing a chainsaw into a dufflebag assuming he won’t get caught? I would have love to have been there to see the look on the guards face as he watches an xray of a chainsaw go by on the monitor.

Fortunately safety razors are allowed.  So I can touch down with freshly shaven balls, thank god.  Nothing in life I hate worse than arriving with stubbly gonads.